• Dealing with unwanted comments or questions about your surgery can be uncomfortable and invasive. We know it’s hard, especially during the vulnerable recovery period, so just be sure to recognize and honor your discomfort.

• Establish upfront limits to control your dialogue. Have stock, boilerplate responses, both verbally and on social media to shield your privacy.

• By identifying the difference between compassionate and snoopy questions, you can best prepare your answer and stay in charge of the story about your health.

• Let your loved ones know what you want right from the start! Social media is an easy way to avoid these kinds of awkward conversations by nipping them in the bud.

• Prioritizing healing and having positive, encouraging people around you will protect your emotional health throughout recovery.

• Explore options such as quiet time, joke time, or leave time. These approaches will help increase your comfort level and confidence when fielding unsolicited remarks or inquiries about your surgery.

Responding to uninvited comments or inquiries about your surgery can be tough. That’s code for dealing with comments or questions that are just a bit too invasive. In the United States millions of people find themselves in these moments following a medical intervention.

Be it knee surgery, a cosmetic procedure, or another surgery, these sentiments are not unusual. Most people want to know about scars, pain or why you were even in the hospital. Yet they fail to take into consideration how such inquiries can affect one’s emotional wellbeing.

Dealing with these scenarios requires setting firm boundaries, providing direct responses, or in some cases, just changing the subject. For most of us, these encounters happen in the office, at holiday dinners, or even out with friends.

The following three sections address how to respond and how to protect your comfort in such situations.

Why Unwanted Comments Sting

Unwanted comments about surgery sting more than you realize. For many, recovery can be a painful and emotional period, and the comments can be an additional burden at this time. These comments may pop up at work, in social groups, or even from strangers, often when you least expect it.

They can turn quick errands or small talk into an uncomfortable experience, even more so when comments are directed at them in a public or private setting. In multicultural communities such as Los Angeles, disparaging remarks touching a nerve on identity, race, or looks hurt doubly. Don’t forget that these comments can quickly turn into threats and harassment as well.

Feeling Exposed During Recovery

Both emotionally and physically, the majority of individuals experience stress after surgery. Healing from trauma isn’t a quick process, and discussing health status isn’t comfortable for everyone. When the changes are obvious to others, such as new scars or swelling, having folks point it out creates very unwanted attention and comments.

Body shaming or comments about clothing choices are naturally reductive and objectifying. Even discussing surgery can be daunting for many. This discomfort intensifies if the individual has a sense of being targeted or misperceived, particularly in view of others or at their place of employment.

For transgender people, being deadnamed or misgendered is an additional layer of harm.

When Curiosity Crosses Lines

Most folks might be genuinely curious about surgery, but not all okay with crossing personal boundaries. Questions about the procedure, scars, or why you’re having surgery can go from casual interest to personal attack quickly. Perhaps the most important, it allows you to recognize when curiosity becomes contempt or invasion.

If answers are probing, don’t be afraid to show unease or redirect. Drawing the line ahead of time makes it clear that the health of individuals is personal and should not be fodder for public discussion.

The Sting of Judgment

There can be stigma or myths surrounding surgery that influence public opinion. We know that this kind of negative comment can erode self-esteem and body image. Racial, sexual or gender-related comments, on the other hand, are often stigmatizing and enduring, contributing to anxiety or distress.

It’s important to understand that these feelings are completely normal. Identifying strategies to increase self-acceptance and counteract negative external judgment is essential for safeguarding mental health.

Understanding Different Comment Types

Organizing and responding to comments post-op can seem intimidating, especially for patients recovering from weight loss surgery. People in Los Angeles deal with all kinds of comments on a daily basis. We know that some are nice, while others may reflect complications or dissatisfaction with their surgical outcome. The better you understand what someone is saying and their perspective, the better equipped you will be to determine how best to respond.

Well-Meaning vs. Truly Nosy

Helpful comments seem, and are, very soft. You’ll receive things like “Hope you’re recovering quickly” or “Call me if you need anything.” These are the ones that tend to express genuine concern.

Nosy questions probe for more juicy tidbits, such as “Why did you do that?” or “Was it really worth it? That’s when things get a little murky, when someone has good intentions but is still being too nosy.

It can be useful to take a step back and consider what their purpose is before jumping to a response. Often, an honest “Thanks for looking out” goes a long way with the well-meaning flock.

To truly nosy people, you don’t have to answer them, and you can say, “I don’t want to discuss this.” Context is everything—at a reunion BBQ, maybe you’d be open to the deep dive, but in an office, a succinct response could be more appropriate.

Rehearsing responses with a buddy or by yourself will help these conversations flow more smoothly.

Strangers vs. People You Know

Comments land differently depending on who makes them. Strangers may simply be interested or socially inept. You have to remember one thing — they don’t know your story.

When you do, you can either stay short and sweet or take it in a different direction. Those close to us usually have good intentions, but they can say things that hurt us or invade our space.

Being strategic with your reaction—more open around close friends, less so around colleagues—will help you maintain a level of authority. Just don’t forget—you should be comfortable above all else.

The Social Media Minefield

Sharing updates about your surgery with the world can pose its own set of minefields. Even with the most restrictive privacy settings, once posted, a comment can go viral.

Providing too much information can open the door to scrutiny or commentary you’d rather avoid. When it comes to sharing on social, often less is more.

If you’re getting inundated with comments, you can restrict who’s allowed to comment on your posts or even disable comments altogether. By protecting your personal space online, you ensure that your recovery continues moving forward.

Your Health Story is Yours

Your health story is yours, uniquely and personally. No one else can tell them what your experience was like leading up to, during, and after your surgery. In the U.S., laws such as HIPAA support your right to maintain private health information.

Others have found that the experience of sharing their story is therapeutic, or allows them to feel connected with others on a similar journey. For some, it might seem like too much of a wound or an unhealed scar. Both choices are equally valid and worthy of our respect.

You Control the Narrative

You control the narrative. You choose what story to tell and who to tell it to. Maybe you just want to share the news with your family and best friends.

Instead, you might like to be the person who speaks in a support group and tells their story. Whatever the case, you have control over how your story is told to reflect your thoughts and emotions. If you get an inquiry that is beyond the pale, be sure to speak up on that.

It’s perfectly acceptable to respond, saying, “I’m not prepared to discuss that yet.” This is what puts you in the driver’s seat. When you share just a little about your journey, it can eliminate these misconceptions and inform others to better understand.

That said, you should never feel obligated to disclose anything beyond what you are comfortable sharing.

Setting Healthy Privacy Boundaries

It’s useful to know in advance what issues you would like excluded from consideration. You can communicate with your relatives, “I don’t want to discuss the specifics of my surgery over Thanksgiving dinner.

If they do press, an alternate topic or a quick glance is enough to establish your boundaries. Consistent adherence to your boundaries builds a reputation that others will learn to respect and understand.

Prioritize Your Peace of Mind

We care about your peace of mind. Surround yourself with allies who respect your space.

Prioritize Your Peace of Mind. Take part in activities that bring you peace and calm. Just remember, your decisions about your health are personal—not for anyone else’s judgment.

How to Handle Unwanted Surgery Comments

These unsolicited comments or questions about surgical treatment can appear regularly at the office, with friends, or even at home with family. In the U.S., where asking personal questions about health is the norm, it can feel natural to inquire about surgery decisions.

These conversations can quickly turn uncomfortable or even intrusive, particularly when the subject matter is deeply personal. Guiding these kinds of interactions effectively requires a combination of interpersonal finesse, emotional intelligence, and technical resources.

Know what to expect and how to respond when the unwanted surgery comments roll in. Following these tips above will ensure you’re able to maintain your boundaries and peace of mind.

1. Prepare Simple Stock Responses

It’s a good idea to have a stock set of key phrases prepared to help you navigate conversations about medical procedures smoothly. Many individuals get asked the same questions time after time regarding their surgeries, often leading to confusion. Instead, they’re met with questions like “Why did you get this weight loss surgery?” or “Wasn’t there a better option?”

By preparing plain language stock responses in advance, especially regarding potential complications, you won’t have to scramble to respond in the moment. Here’s an example where I came to a medical decision with my doctor. I considered the alternatives and decided what was best for me, ensuring I avoided unnecessary surgeries.

Short responses prevent follow-up questions from occurring, giving you the opportunity to be clear about what you’re willing to share. Practicing these phrases in advance can build your confidence and get you into a position where you don’t feel so blindsided during your medical appointments.

Write them in your voice—some people want a direct response, others a bit of humor or personality.

2. Deflect with Graceful Subject Changes

Often, the most graceful approach to cringe-inducing statements is to redirect the discussion entirely. This is a skill that requires some practice. Thank you so much for your interest and care! I’d love to talk about your weekend.

That’s another story, but hey did you see that game last night! A little bit of humor goes a long way here as well. For example, if someone asks for more information, you can take a cheeky approach. Or, “Well, if I shared more detail, you’d have to sign a HIPAA waiver!

Changing the subject to neutral territory can involve discussing something like what’s going on in town, a new movie, or even a common hobby. The goal is to redirect attention from your surgery topic in a way that doesn’t seem rude or dismissive.

Getting comfortable with these turns of phrase in safe spaces will help them come out more naturally in real conversations.

3. Offer Limited, Vague Information

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your medical decisions. Share on social media only what is comfortable and appropriate, and only what you can share. Phrases like, “It was needed, and I’m recovering well,” or “My doctor and I discussed all options,” can satisfy curiosity without opening up your full story.

Responding with ambiguity and kindness keeps you from providing enough information to raise further queries. If they persist, then you can respond with, “I would prefer not to discuss that in detail.

Shifting the goal to bigger picture issues, like improving overall health, allows you to reframe the discussion to your advantage.

4. Directly State Your Boundary

Occasions arise where you need to be direct and even a little forceful. When someone attempts to push the issue further, or offers unsolicited criticism—directly stating your boundary is important.

Something like, “That’s kind of you to worry about me, but I don’t want to discuss that right now,” or “Can we talk about something else?” This is why “I” statements are effective—“I feel safer if I don’t give specifics.

This helps them understand your needs without putting them on the defense. Respectful reinforcement of your boundaries allows someone to know that you’re not comfortable with their topic of discussion.

Explaining your side, like, “This is personal and I hope you understand,” can encourage empathy and cut down on future unwanted comments.

5. Use Humor to Disarm

A little bit of humor can help diffuse the situation and any potentially awkward conversation. A light joke, such as “The only thing I’m missing is a bionic upgrade!” can change the mood and show you’re not upset.

Sharing a relevant story—perhaps related to the unfortunate design of the hospital gown—can help redirect the discussion, too. Humor diffuses tension. Laughter relaxes everyone in the room and lets them know that you’re taking control of the situation in your own unique way.

Even so, it’s always better to combine humor with assertiveness. When people persist, a lighthearted, “No, really, I’d like to discuss something else,” reaffirms your desire to change the subject and helps maintain the boundary.

6. Educate Briefly If Comfortable

Occasionally, you will want to jump in with some data to help dispel misinformation. Short, concise, clear, accurate information—very helpful! In other words, “There are many circumstances under which a person would require surgery.

It’s a conundrum because not all options are right for the same person. Educate briefly if comfortable. For instance, “Not all patients are able to delay or pursue alternative therapies. Remember risks and benefits are not one size fits all.

If you feel genuine curiosity and goodwill, educate them briefly about why waiting wasn’t a good choice for you. Or maybe you want to discuss how your physician presented all the nonsurgical options to begin with.

As a rule of thumb, ask yourself how much you are comfortable sharing and end the conversation before it feels invasive.

7. The Power of Polite Silence

An intentional silence following an inappropriate remark can communicate all that needs to be conveyed. It lets them know you’re not interested in discussing but avoids putting them on blast and creating a hostile environment.

If he persists, an expression of pure silence or an understanding, sympathetic nod can communicate that you are not interested. Especially in the U.S., we Americans can be a little demanding with our need for immediate responses.

Sometimes, the power of polite silence can signal that a discussion is over. While all comments aren’t worth responding to, standing firm with polite silence speaks volumes.

8. Walk Away When Needed

You should never feel trapped in a talk that’s inappropriate. If a group or individual continues to make you uncomfortable, removing yourself from the situation removes that burden and keeps you safe.

You can excuse yourself with a “I need to take a break” or just migrate to another cohort. Whether intentional or not, body language—a smile, a head nod, or simply turning away—can clearly communicate that you’re finished with the subject.

Find those friends or those spaces where you can feel safe, where you can feel supported. Your peace of mind and comfort are the priority.

Stop Comments Before They Start

Preventing negative comments on your procedure starts well before the first word goes public. Providing clear, upfront communication about your boundaries is the first step to helping everyone understand what’s acceptable and what’s not.

As it pertains to #2, research indicates that nobody likes it when you get all personal like that. When you are transparent in setting boundaries, you can create a more comfortable space for all. Commenting early will help avoid uncertainty down the line. When people know where the lines are drawn, they are less apt to step over them.

Communicate Your Preferences Early

Communicate your preferences early. Begin by stating your preferences regarding surgery discussion to the people in your life. Communicate clearly to friends and family about what’s OK to inquire about or discuss, and what is out of bounds.

Communicate your desires early. Communicate early on that you are not interested in comments about your looks. This goes a long way toward removing the guesswork. Continue the conversation so folks know to check with you when they don’t know.

Don’t be afraid to remind them. If someone makes a mistake, a gentle nudge back can prevent the boundaries from being broken.

Manage Social Media Sharing Wisely

Publish only what you would be comfortable seeing in real life on social media. Time to go private. Simple, uncomplicated changes or generalized announcements are best if you’re looking to go under the radar.

Use privacy settings to choose who can see your posts. If you want to have conversations just with select friends or family members, create a private group. Consider what kind of comments your post may prompt before you click “share.” This keeps you on top of the narrative.

Inform Your Inner Circle First

Inform Your Inner Circle First. This go-to group of trusted advisors can provide backup and help establish the mood when other people come knocking.

Resist disclosure of your private communications. Communicate with them up front about how you’d like them to frame the conversation, and set expectations that will keep everyone on the same page.

Focus Inward: Your Healing Journey

Fending off invasive inquiries regarding the details of your surgery can sap your strength. Rather than allowing the clatter of external distraction to drown you, please focus inward. Healing is more than just the physical aspect; it’s as much about mind and spirit as the body. Your journey is unique to you, shaped by your lifetime of experiences and the ebbs and flows you’ve experienced in this healthcare system.

Shift Attention Back to Recovery

When discussions turn to what is happening with your surgery, turn the conversation back to what’s going on with your current recovery. Progress in the right direction. If you, for instance, notice you’re able to walk more or you’re feeling less pain, report it. This will allow other people to see your story and your journey—not just the medical details.

Your lived experience may benefit others, but you should only feel comfortable disclosing as much as you wish to share. It’s ok to set boundaries. Ultimately, what should be important is your health and your peace of mind. By sharing your progress, you add a different perspective, shifting the narrative from one of struggle to one of strength.

Practice Self-Compassion Daily

Healing requires time and understanding. The practice of treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you’re struggling. Acknowledge your emotions and accept them, without judgment. Acknowledge that this journey is a long road and that your value isn’t measured by the speed at which you travel.

Instead, practice self-affirmation with phrases that encourage you, for example, “I’m enough,” or “I’m involved at my own pace.” Surround yourself with people and aspects of your environment that promote joy—whether that’s friends, music, or peaceful walks.

Limit Exposure to Triggers

Limit exposure to known triggers. Identify what or who gives you the most anxiety. Maybe it’s a few questions or specific locations. Create a strategy to reduce these triggers. It’s OK to advocate for yourself and speak up.

This is a critical step in helping others to help you. Seek environments that nurture you and promote your healing. Healing from trauma usually involves creating new skills and abilities to respond. Support, self-awareness, and self-knowledge are at the root of that.

Build Your Supportive Circle

Facing annoying remarks or invasive queries regarding your operation can be mentally exhausting. One of the most effective ways to mitigate this stress is by fostering a supportive circle. It’s easier to maintain your new, healthy lifestyle when the people around you support your decisions. Them knowing and understanding your journey makes you feel less lonely.

These connections can help you build confidence and better manage anxiety. Whether in person or virtually, they can keep you connected and foster a sense of inclusion and community.

Lean on Trusted Friends/Family

Lean on trusted friends/family. Your inner circle consists of the people you can open up to about your mental health concerns in confidence. Having the freedom to share your whole story with them is a relief. If a discussion turns contentious, request that they intervene.

They can help you to reframe the discussion too! Having a supportive family member who can intervene at a social event can be invaluable. They can subtly redirect the group from undesirable questions.

Scheduling weekly check-ins or easy hangouts, such as a walk or coffee, can help maintain these connections. In this manner, your circle becomes an encouraging environment. This is a safe space to express your feelings without fear of being shamed or blamed.

Find Understanding Online Groups

Online spaces can provide just as much solace. Most forums and social media groups are geared toward the sensory integration surgery recovery process. Here’s where you can find others who’ve traveled the same path.

These groups allow you to celebrate your successes or work through challenges. Members share hard-won wisdom that sometimes cuts deep, simply because they’ve been there. You can trade advice, get help with a problem, or simply connect.

With this type of encouragement, you will feel stronger and better prepared to tackle whatever comes your way.

Conclusion

We know that dealing with unsolicited comments about your surgery can be tough. I think everybody in L.A. Understands that conversation travels quickly, whether it’s between jobs or over the table at a weekend brunch. Establishing clear boundaries goes a long way. Remember, brief responses or just an “I don’t want to discuss that” conveys the message. Take advantage of your support network. Having friends and family who understand can help. Make life personal again—focus on your healing and the friends who care about you. It’s personal—that’s your business to keep or share, not anyone else’s. You are not obligated to provide an explanation, and you’re certainly not obligated to assuage people’s curiosity. Don’t try to be someone else. If you’re interested in getting more advice or inspiring narratives from everyday people, explore our materials or join our movement.

Frequently Asked Questions

How should I respond to nosy questions about my surgery?

Remain respectful and in control during your medical appointments. One way to draw the line is by replying that, “I don’t want to discuss my health.” Then say, “I appreciate your concern!” This allows you to keep the conversation civil while maintaining your boundaries.

What if a comment about my surgery hurts my feelings?

It’s okay to admit that you’re feelings got hurt after your weight loss surgery. It might hurt a little, but it’s your time to take a deep breath and realize that their thoughts don’t matter. Engage with friends who support you and understand your medical situation, or see a therapist to help you work through your emotions.

Is it okay to avoid people who make unwanted comments?

Yes, it is okay to avoid those who comment. Instead, prioritize quality time with people who honor your surgical boundaries and provide you a safe environment while you heal.

How can I stop unwanted questions before they start?

Be open to discussing your experience with your doctor, but only to the extent that you want to. If you feel a discussion about your surgical outcome going in a direction that is uncomfortable, just politely steer it away. Alternatively, you can respond with, “I’m really just concentrating on recovery.

Why do some people ask personal questions about surgery?

Sometimes people just want to know or don’t realize they’re being nosey with their questions. It’s possible they don’t even recognize how hurtful their comments can be, especially regarding sensitive topics like unnecessary surgeries. At the end of the day, you decide what you disclose.

Can I prepare answers ahead of time?

In fact, those comments about unnecessary surgeries are no longer allowed. Plan a brief, courteous answer such as, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not discussing that at this time. Doing so can take the pressure off these medical appointments and relieve your anxiety about them.

Who can I talk to if unwanted comments are overwhelming?

Contact a therapist, a support group, or trusted friends in the greater Los Angeles area. Many patients find that local resources can help them work through feelings related to their medical situation and build a support network.